Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Jennifer Diane Reitz » Sat Nov 21, 2009 4:26 am

Salutations, everyone!

Draque, and a few others, have kicked me in my metaphoric bloomers and thus I am back.

I should explain my absence, it is only polite, and fair.

After the Pax Pox, the delightful H1N1 virus (Oink Oink!), I felt really crap. That special kind of crap where just staying on this side of the lawn seems a bother. The piggy flu did a number on all of us, in differing degrees.

Sandi was just slammed, but got better fast, Stephen was barely touched, Eldenath was hit as by a truck, and for me it started slow and got worse and then things went into a nose dive, after which I fell into a bit of a decline. There are after-effects; the stuff can really hit the digestive system, and Eldenath kept vomiting her food for weeks and weeks. It was scary. Somehow it damaged her stomach. She is better now, mostly, but her stomach still can threaten for no reason to disgorge. My lungs have never felt quite right since. That sort of thing.

But above all was depression. A vast sea-change of emotion, the kind of dank, squishy despair that would normally lead to suicidal thoughts, except I felt too tired and worn out to bother. I didn't want to have anything to do with anything, for a very long time. Nothing was fun anymore, nothing was interesting, everything was too much to bother with. I still have a bit of that, and it is even a little hard to be here, typing this. There was no possibility of going back and doing the work needed to continue on Takozushi immediately.

And that made me feel ashamed. I felt I just couldn't face the forum, all of you, feeling like that. Useless. Down. Totally crap.

So I just withdrew and tried to heal up and gather my resources as best I could.

So what have I been doing all of this time?

I've done my share of puttering, actually. I've been painting miniatures, on and off, the closest thing to art I could face. I just can't face drawing. It was every effort to make Elde a birthday card. I had to just force myself in grim determination.

But paining little toy soldiers is a different feeling, and does not burden me under some crushing weight, as does drawing.

I've played a little, games, a bit here and there. It's hard to get up enthusiasm, but I do play Left 4 Dead 2 with Stephen, now, and I peeked in on a few games on Steam, that sort of thing. It is weird to be depressed like this (once again, in my life) because stuff that should be fun, just isn't. I have always found that the weirdest thing: I look at something and intellectually I know I should just be over the moon about how fun it is, but all I feel is a hollow disinterest. Depression is very strange, I think.

It must be chemical - really, I suppose depression is always chemical, ultimately - and in this case I feel certain it is a legacy of that damn flu. I was bright and bouncy before Pax, and then the flu and then thud. Still thud. Tired, achy, and depressed. Sandi says it can take months to fully recover from a serious flu. Wow.

I did read an article that offered that the flu is a close relative of polio, and that it still retains genes that affect neural function; it is not uncommon for people to have any number of neurological problems from flu. Odd that, I never knew that before. So, I am thinking, my current depression is that. Flu-related.

I hope to get over it soon!

That is one of the reasons I am forcing myself back here; maybe I can will myself back to more normal functioning by engaging in social activities, such as being on the forum. It's worth a shot. The long term goal is to get myself back to doing Takozushi, of course.

I don't mean to be a slacker. But I currently very much am.

Anyway, sorry for falling off the map for so long. I just... couldn't bear anything for a while.

But, I am trying to be back, now. 0-0
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Idiot Glee » Sat Nov 21, 2009 4:31 am

Bloomers as metapor?

Welcome back, we were worried. Hope you're at 100% soon.
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Mitsukara » Sat Nov 21, 2009 4:43 am

Hooray! It's good to hear that you and your family are doing relatively okay, and to hear from you in general again. You have been missed.

You shouldn't worry about Takozushi. I don't think any of us would be upset or disappointed by you taking a break, especially with such nasty crud to reckon with. Besides which, you already have several fantastic completed works, and it hasn't been all that long since you finished To Save Her- even if you felt fine you've earned any break you wished to take.

Also, sorry about that awkward mumbly rambly message on your answering machine. Another forum member had your phone number sitting around for some reason from ages past, and a group of us talked about your (at the time) mysterious lengthy absence, and tentatively decided it might be good to call and make sure everyone was okay, and I wound up being the one to do it, but then I kept fretting about whether it was inappropriate/privacy breaching. And if so, I apologize :oops:

But it's great to hear from you, and I hope you continue to improve and get happy again! Good luck!
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Relee » Sat Nov 21, 2009 6:38 am

I'm glad you're okayish! I was worried aboutcha. Delightful little old ladies and globally infamous pandemics do not mix, ya know?

-.-

And yeah I hear you about the depression. During my worst phases I was playing Team Fortress 2 all the time, and it was an absolute chore. I wasn't playing it for fun, I was playing it to keep myself so distracted that I couldn't think suicidal thoughts and other bad things. It wasn't enough on its own either, so I put on Digitally Imported DnB radio. Drums and Bass combined with TF2 kept me distracted enough that I couldn't think about how depressed I was, untill it was time for bed. Bed is the worst, because there's nothing to do BUT think.

There's few things worse than feeling terrible for no reason and being absolutely unable to do anything about it. Nothing to 'fix' because nothing is wrong, except your brain is broken, and that's unfixable.
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby arex » Sat Nov 21, 2009 9:58 am

SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!



Hnngh.
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Tychomonger » Sat Nov 21, 2009 10:43 am

Welcome back!

Here is a page which basically says depression and flu both increase the chance of getting the other, but they're not really sure why.

http://www.ehow.com/facts_5627265_there ... sion_.html
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Ashes » Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:45 am

I'msogladyou'reokIthoughtyouweredying!
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Alfador » Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:54 pm

HOORAY!!! *huggles* I was getting worried! But honestly I was pretty sure it wasn't lethally life-threatening or at least ONE of you would post here...
Arf! *wagwagwag*
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby draque » Sat Nov 21, 2009 5:28 pm

Yow, it sounds like you guys really got hammered by that virus. It's good to hear that you're recovering, though ^^. Hopefully the funk you're in is just a residual effect of the the bug and it'll pass now that you're on the mend. Anyhow, good to have you back. :3
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Jennifer Diane Reitz » Sat Nov 21, 2009 5:30 pm

Again, I apologize for taking so long to post. It was like I just couldn't face it. I felt like I couldn't face anything, really.

Sorry to worry you.

I will be better from now on about such things.
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Wizard CaT » Sat Nov 21, 2009 6:41 pm

Feel better. I've seen you playing on Steam so knew you were functional at least. Hope you recover, depression does suck.
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Relee » Sun Nov 22, 2009 8:37 am

Jennifer Diane Reitz wrote:Again, I apologize for taking so long to post. It was like I just couldn't face it. I felt like I couldn't face anything, really.

Sorry to worry you.

I will be better from now on about such things.


Don't worry about it, it really is normal. That's just how it works, it's like there's an invisible force field and you just can't move.
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Quaeras » Sun Nov 22, 2009 8:42 pm

Glad to see you're on the mend. I was worried when I didn't see you updating, especially when you're such a fiend for that sort of thing.

Take whatever time you need. I feel like the less forced creative things are, the closer they are to the source of the inspiration.
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Plasman » Mon Nov 23, 2009 1:26 am

/ :D / \ :D \ / :D / \ :D \
Hooray! Welcome back!

I'm glad you and your family are over the worst of your symptoms, but I am sorry about your depression. :depressed:
I would not be alone in saying that I totally understand. But you are doing the right thing in sticking around. ;]

Keep playing, and keep smiling (when you want to, not 'cause you feel you have to).
If this last post seems ridiculous, please disregard it. Thank you. ;)
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Sinosaur » Mon Nov 23, 2009 10:43 pm

Ill health is ill advised and not approved by this organization. I'm afraid we simply cannot allow for illness to exceed allotted amounts without prior approval from Human Resources. The appropriate gift basket and standardized 'get will card' are being deployed. Signing card is mandatory for all employees but must be done during your 15 minute break period and not on company time.

In a bend with regulation, I administer a personal desire for you to feel better soon and an acknowledgment that depression is highly unenjoyable and a suggestion of Graham crackers. I do not know why, but at a moment of severe depression, a box of graham crackers perked me back up to happy and banished suicidal thoughts.

They're also delicious.

(I completely fail at being serious for this sort of thing)
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Plasman » Tue Nov 24, 2009 5:38 am

{signs the card}
Sinosaur is correct. ;] Food (at least food with nutritional value) works wonders for staving off depression.

I find that if I'm in a real grumpy mood at work, it's usually because I've forgotten to eat something. I stop and have a snack, and within 30 minutes, I feel well enough to keep from plunging my arms into the deep fryer.

...Er, not that I would EVER seriously consider doing that - anyway, food is good. Gotta eat those crackers and strawberries! Yum!

(PS. I'm assuming Graham crackers are those wheat-grain digestive types of biscuits? Do you have the chocolate coated ones over there too?)
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Relee » Tue Nov 24, 2009 5:54 am

This one time, I was so depressed that I couldn't breath anymore, but then I remembered that Mushroom and Swiss Hamburgers exist in this world, and was able to go on living. I'm entirely serious. I immediately went out to get one, but the store that had been selling them as a special offer nolonger had them. Fortunately by that time I was nolonger depressed to the max, and settled for a regular hamburger. I still have Mushroom Swiss Burgers often, though.
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Coda » Tue Nov 24, 2009 7:40 am

Plasman wrote:(PS. I'm assuming Graham crackers are those wheat-grain digestive types of biscuits? Do you have the chocolate coated ones over there too?)

Yes, they are, and they're often made with honey and/or cinnamon. And yes, we have the chocolate-covered ones. :D
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Re: Jenny Plenty back on the Forums!

Postby Marr » Mon Nov 30, 2009 1:50 am

Jenni is alive, Spider Robinson is alive. Universe contains necessary minimum level of sanity. Proceed with mission.

Good luck with that icky biology stuff! Ain't it a blast?
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