Custody

Postby Shivers » Wed Aug 25, 2010 10:04 am

The Large gates open electronically as the Prison bus pulls in. Guards patrol the outer wall with rifles on the very large stone walls. There are also razor wire electric fences around it. The 18 year old kid hops off the prison bus, wearing a blue prison uniform shirt and pants. With a white muscle shirt underneath. He has shoulder length brown hair. He is lead in chains along with other inmates through into the prison. He is briefed once he enters and processed with the others first. The chains are taken off. He is photographed again. Then he gets his box of belongings, pillow, toothbrush, toothpaste, and a picture of a familiar woman that ShiVer's once knew. He walks in through a gate inside and comes to the General Population Cell block D. There is a large open room, with tables in the center. There is a TV in the back corner. Along the walls are the cells. He enters the cell which is going to be his new home for now on, in this prison, for the rest of his natural life. He received life without chance of parole. The sentencing period of the trial was the most stressful time in ShiVer’s whole entire life, or so it seemed. He would fall asleep in the count jail, constantly thinking he might receive the death penalty. But for reasons unknown to him, he was spared. He takes his stuff out, spreads the sheet on the bottom bunk, and puts his pillow down. And takes out the picture, and stairs at it. Such horrible, horrible memories. And good memories at the same time. A large man walks into the cell. Wearing the same prison uniform.

"Ahhh, so were going to be cell mates eh?" The large man says, with a thick French accent. ShIVers stares at the floor, and gives a faint nod.
"So, do you suck dick little man?" He asks. Fear instantly hits ShiVers.
"Heheheh, Don't worry there son. I aint no fag. But be careful in here. Be damn careful. And watch ur ass too."

Taco looks to the floor and shakes his head sadly, as he talks to the new man he just met that’s in his cell. Taco is a little weary and paranoid, the man is huge and built, but Taco figures the guy is nice enough, or at least is going to attack for now.
"The reason why I am here is really sad actually. I was in and out of Juvenile detention centers all the time as a child for breaking and entering, stealing, smoking weed, stuff like that. But this time, the reason I'm in the big house, is different. Not something I expected. Not something I planned. Just, a huge, mistake. I was so enraged, so angry, so hurt. This truly was a crime of passion. I would do anything to take it back. But I know that I can't, and it’s something that I have been coming to terms with recently."

Taco lies back on his bunk as he speaks, getting ready to tell the story.
"Well, it was about a year ago that it all happened. I was 18, just out of high school. I met a girl in the summer my age. She was great, we hit if off. She was my first real girlfriend, ever."

Taco hands the picture of the girl he brought into prison with him too Dario. It’s a picture of an 18 year old girl with long flowing brown hair past his shoulders, parted in the middle behind her ears. Green eyes, and remarkably beautiful.

"We started dating, and everything was great. I was pulled over and arrested for driving while high on weed and for possession of weed. She helped me though that time too. But as time went by, the months, things started to change. She met a new guy. I was losing her. She was the only thing that matter to me, and I was losing her.
And then one day, I meet up with the guy I buy my weed from. He invited me to stay and chill with him after I gave him a 50 dollar bill for a half ounce. We rolled up a few blunts and opened a bottle of vodka and got messed up. I told him about the girl problem, and the new guy. "Man that’s bullshit Taco." The dealer said, and got up and walked into the back room, and then returned. He pulled out a black nine millimeter.
"Holy hell!" I cried out.
"She’s a beauty aunt she? Want her?" He asked. I was reluctant and kind of afraid at first, but then I decided it was in my best interest to buy the pice off him. Later that night, instead of driving home like I should have, I drove to her house. I was very messed up, and out of my mind with depression. There was the negative voice in my head again, screaming at me. Telling me how worthless I was. I put the hood up on my black coat, put the pistol in my hoodie jacket and then got out of the car in the pouring down rain freezing cold night. I started banging on her front door. Banging and banging. I knew she was home.
"Melissa!! Open the door! MELLISSSAA!" I cried out, screaming and creaming, I leaned my head against the door sobbing. I knew she was lost to me. And without her, I was lost. I picked up a large stoned and threw it through the window. I then crawled in through, cutting my arm on glass. That’s when I saw her, in a towel, and with the guy, who was naked.
"Taco what the hell are doing!" She screamed.
"You better leave right now man before I call the cops!" The built Jock screamed at me. He was twice my size. I never could beat him in a fight. And he gave me crap in the past.
"Mellissa..."I said, crying.
"That’s it, I'm calling the police." The guy said, and started walking away towards a phone on the wall. I pulled out the pistol and fired two shoots into his back. He screamed and fell to his stomach, still alive but would bleed to death. Mellisa scream at the top of her lungs, but I was quickly onto top of her, I smacked her across the face as hard as I could, as I sit on top of her.
"Look what u made me do! Look what u made me do!" I screamed, and then pistol whipped her once.
"Please, no, God, please." She cried.
I then placed the barrel of the pistol against her forehead, and before I knew what I was doing, I pulled the trigger.
I fumbled around walking around the house, then left in my car. Every detail of that night before, with me in the house, with her and him, and killing them. Every detail of that I will remember for the rest of my life.
I was arrested at my home that same night. I straight up passed out in my room, with the gun still on me, and blood all over me. My parents heard me come home and saw me sleeping on my bed fully clothed and drenched in blood, and called the police on me.

I was taken to county Jail for two counts of Murder in the first degree with a deadly weapon. I was held without bond. I plead not guilty. I hired a great lawyer, he really was good. The trial was all over the news. The trial dragged on and was delayed and dragged on for almost a year. I was convicted on both counts, and then had to go through the sentencing period of the trial. I thought I was going to be sentenced death. After two days of jury deliberating, I was given two consecutive life sentences with no chance of Parole. I know I deserve death for what I have done, I know I do. But I’m damn glad I wasn’t sentenced death heh. And that’s why I am here."

The air is cold and bitter. It bites at Taco's face as he walks in line behind other prisoners toward the prison yard, coming from his block. Prisoner's from other blocks are already there. A lot of the people in this prison Taco notices have large muscles. Espically people who have been here alot. Taco, only just arriveing, and having no previous prison life expierence, is rather concerned. He approaches a wieght bench that is unoccupied on the west side of the yard. There are guys working out on the one on the East side at the moment. He sees a big bald headed guy working out sweating tons, with a large dragon Tattoe. Taco sits down on the bench and starts lifting. Thats when a mexican approaches.

"What you think you're doing homes?" The large mexican says with a thick mexican accent.
"Uh, working out." Taco responds, a little nervous.
"DOn't you know fish, this side of the yard belongs to the mexican gang homie. Some of the people in here, they'd slit a white boy's throat like you just for disrespecting us like this. White boys have thier own side." The mexican says.
Taco doesen't want any trouble. He has heard many stories in the past about mexican gangs murdering white and black inmates over less. And even thier own too on occasion.
"Alright, I don't want any trouble." Taco says, and gets up, and starts to walk away. The mexican grabs him by the shoulder and spins him around.
"Did I tell you you can walk away from me boy?"
Taco instantly knows this situation has gone from bad to dangerous.
"Now, I'll be willing to forgive this if ur willing to become my friend." Shivers go down Taco's spine. Its time to either step up, or forever become a bitch.
Taco kicks the mexican in balls with his black boot, a cheap shot but effective. The mexican bends down in total shock, but his hands quickly goes for the shank in his pocket. Taco picks up the one handed 25 pound bar bell and bashes it across the mexican's head knocking him to the floor. Other members of the same mexican gang, Southern Chicanos, (Mexicans who were born and raised in mexico then came to America, Illegal or otherwise.)
Now are quickly alert and start running over. Taco puts his hands into the knocked out mexicans pockets and pulls out a shank made out of sharpened plastic. A mexican is screaming something is spanish and sprinting towards Taco. Taco takes off sprinting towards the middle of a group of whites. A mexican blindly tackles into a white and slashes his face with a knife. Chaos begins. Two other white neo nazi gang members pull the mexican off and start punching him in the face. Taco is now standing behind a nazi, shank in hand.
"Back the F*ck up." The nazi says as he punches Taco in the jaw, knocking him off his feet. Now the Southern Mexican gang are attacking the group of Nazis. Members of the Black Crip's gang take this oppurtnity to attack the first mexican they see. Quickly all the mexicans are now attacking anyone who is white or black, all the Hispanics of all gangs form a quick truce momentarily to survive during this chaos of the races. A thing blacks never seem able to do.
A Black man screams as a Mexican stabs him in the hear with a shank "Holy shit." Taco mutters, as he is watching the men stab and kill each other, on his first day in prison. Prison guards rush over but the fighting has erupted into the whole entire prison yard now.

As Korax and the other inmates continued their meals inside, a roar of shouts and screams suddenly erupted from outside. Various prison guards within the dining hall rapidly grabbed at their radios in an attempt to get information on the events that were unfolding elsewhere in the prison yard. With typical human curiosity a few prisoners left their meals and ran out to see what was going on, some going to lend aid to their friends, others merely going for the entertainment. Korax smiled as he finished the remains of his lunch, he casually stood up and began to stroll towards the hall exit. A number of his inmate friends did the same as they left their meal trays scattered across the table, all knowing that whatever this commotion was, it would be involving at least one of the newcomers. Turning to his friends Korax spoke, still walking to the exit.

"Well that didn’t take long, the new boys don’t usually get into trouble till late afternoon ……."

The group laughed and continued their walk outside and onto the yard, suddenly confronted with a sight of pure mayhem. Prisoners jumping on each other, screaming death threats and flailing any piece of weaponry the inmates had recently manufactured within their cells. Korax sarcastically inhaled a deep breath as he made a patronising comment.

“Aahhhh! ….. Nothin like a good riot to start the week …… eh boys ? Heheh”

Along with his mates Korax lit up one of his rationed cigarettes as he leaned against a nearby metal fence, watching the chaos unfold with a kind of twisted pleasure. Within moments it was evident that the quarrel was kicked off by the Mexicans, they were always too volatile and cocky for their own good in this place. But most of them still knew where they stood with Korax and his group of friends. In fact some of Korax’s friends were even Mexican, and blacks. He was the kind of man who made his peace with anyone who showed respect, he never got involved in the race fights. Korax only fought on moral terms, and incidents of disrespect.

Just then, a young man with long brown hair could be seen within the crowds, he stood out from the rest as he looked all around him frozen stiff, like a rabbit caught in a cars headlights. Obviously one of the new batch that had recently arrived. Yet grasped tightly in his hand was one of the dumbbell bars, his white knuckles stood out due to the almost desperate hold he had on the weapon. For a brief moment, the young man caught eye contact with Korax, as he did, Korax noticed a Mexican closing in behind the new boy. With his eye contact still connected with this young mans, Korax gave a slight nod and raise of the eyebrows, subtly hinting for the new boy to turn around quickly. The young inmate realised and spun quickly, bringing up the metal bar and connecting it firmly with the incoming Mexicans head. Suddenly two blacks engaged some Mexicans in front of Korax, causing him to lose sight of the young inmate with the dumbbell. However Korax merely laughed at the humour of the riot and carried on watching, his friends shouting out various chants and jeers, as if they had paid high class seats at a wrestling show. Just then the sirens began to blaze from the watch towers and various warning shots from the guards were fired into the sky, dispersing the rioters off into different sections. An ordering voice screamed over the speakers.

"ALL INMATES RETURN TO THEIR CELLS IMMEDIATELY, THOSE THAT REFUSE WILL BE SHOT ON SITE! REPEAT, ALL INMATES RETURN TO THEIR CELLS IMMEDIATELY!"

The riot certainly brightened up the day, for those not involved at least.
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Re: Custody

Postby Ashes » Sat Aug 28, 2010 2:27 pm

Hurray for short-story-writing! Unfortunately I don't have time to do more than skim over it right now, but I always like to encourage creative endeavors.
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Re: Custody

Postby Ashes » Sat Aug 28, 2010 3:48 pm

Shivers wrote:The large gates open electronically as the prison bus pulls in. Guards patrol the outer walls, the very large stone walls, with rifles. There are also razor wire electric fences around it. The 18 year old kid hops off the prison bus, wearing a blue prison uniform-shirt and pants, with a white muscle shirt underneath. He has shoulder length brown hair. He is led in chains, along with other inmates, through into the prison. He is briefed once he enters and processed with the others. The chains are taken off. He is photographed. Then he gets his box of belongings: pillow, toothbrush, toothpaste, and a familiar picture of a woman that he once knew. He walks in through an inside gate and comes to the General Population Cell Block D. There is a large open room, with tables in the center. There is a TV in the back corner. Along the walls are the cells. He enters the cell which is going to be his new home from now on, in this prison, for the rest of his natural life. He received life without chance of parole. The sentencing period of the trial was the most stressful time in ShiVer’s whole entire life, or so it seemed. Each night he fell asleep in the county jail, he constantly thought he might receive the death penalty. But for reasons unknown to him, he was spared. He takes his stuff out, spreads the sheet on the bottom bunk, and puts his pillow down. He takes out the picture and stares at it. Such horrible horrible memories, and good memories at the same time. A large man walks into the cell, wearing the same prison uniform.

"Ahhh, so were going to be cell mates eh?" The large man says, with a thick French accent. ShIVers stares at the floor, and gives a faint nod.

"So, do you suck dick little man?" He asks. Fear instantly hits ShiVers.

"Heheheh, Don't worry there son. I aint no fag. But be careful in here. Be damn careful. And watch ur ass too."

Taco looks to the floor and shakes his head sadly as he talks to the new man he just met in his cell. Taco is a little weary and paranoid. The man is huge and built, but Taco figures the guy is nice enough, or at least isn't going to attack for now.

"The reason why I am here is really sad actually. I was in and out of Juvenile detention centers all the time as a child for breaking and entering, stealing, smoking weed, stuff like that. But this time, the reason I'm in the big house, is different. Not something I expected. Not something I planned. Just a huge mistake. I was so enraged. So angry. So hurt. This truly was a crime of passion. I would do anything to take it back, but I know that I can't, and it’s something that I have been coming to terms with recently."

Taco lies back on his bunk as he speaks, getting ready to tell the story.

"Well, it was about a year ago that it all happened. I was 18, just out of high school. I met a girl in the summer, my age. She was great. We hit if off. She was my first real girlfriend ever."

Taco hands the picture of the girl he brought into prison with him too Dario. It’s a picture of an 18 year old girl with long flowing brown hair past his shoulders, parted in the middle behind her ears. Green eyes. Remarkably beautiful.

"We started dating, and everything was great. I was pulled over, and arrested for driving while high on weed and for possession of weed. She helped me through that time too. But as time went by, the months, things started to change. She met a new guy. I was losing her. She was the only thing that matter to me, and I was losing her.

And then one day I meet up with the guy I buy my weed from. He invited me to stay and chill with him after I gave him a 50 dollar bill for a half ounce. We rolled up a few blunts and opened a bottle of vodka and got messed up. I told him about the girl problem, and the new guy. 'Man that’s bullshit Taco,' the dealer said. He got up and walked into the back room, and then returned. He pulled out a black nine millimeter.

'Holy hell!' I cried out.

'She’s a beauty aint she? Want her?' He asked. I was reluctant and kind of afraid at first, but then I decided it was in my best interest to buy the pice off him. Later that night, instead of driving home like I should have, I drove to her house. I was very messed up, and out of my mind with depression. There was the negative voice in my head again, screaming at me, telling me how worthless I was. I put the hood up on my black coat, put the pistol in my hoodie jacket and then got out of the car in the pouring down rain freezing cold night. I started banging on her front door. Banging and banging. I knew she was home.

'Melissa!! Open the door! MELLISSSAA!' I cried out, screaming and screaming. I leaned my head against the door sobbing. I knew she was lost to me, and without her, I was lost. I picked up a large stone and threw it through the window. I then crawled in through, cutting my arm on glass. That’s when I saw her, in a towel, and with the guy, who was naked.

'Taco what the hell are doing!' She screamed.

'You better leave right now man before I call the cops!' The built jock screamed at me. He was twice my size. I never could beat him in a fight. And he gave me crap in the past.

'Mellissa' I said, crying.

'That’s it, I'm calling the police.' The guy said, and started walking away towards a phone on the wall. I pulled out the pistol and fired two shoots into his back. He screamed and fell to his stomach, still alive but would bleed to death. Mellisa scream at the top of her lungs, but I was quickly onto top of her, I smacked her across the face as hard as I could, as I sit on top of her.

"Look what you made me do! Look what you made me do!" I screamed, and then pistol whipped her once.

"Please, no, God, please." She cried.

I then placed the barrel of the pistol against her forehead, and before I knew what I was doing, I pulled the trigger. I fumbled around walking around the house, then left in my car. Every detail of that night before, with me in the house, with her and him, and killing them. Every detail of that I will remember for the rest of my life.

I was arrested at my home that same night. I was straight up passed out in my room, with the gun still on me, and blood all over me. My parents heard me come home and saw me sleeping on my bed fully clothed and drenched in blood, and called the police on me.

I was taken to county Jail for two counts of Murder in the first degree with a deadly weapon. I was held without bond. I plead not guilty. I hired a great lawyer. He really was good. The trial was all over the news. The trial dragged on and was delayed and dragged on for almost a year. I was convicted on both counts, and then had to go through the sentencing period of the trial. I thought I was going to be sentenced death. After two days of jury deliberating, I was given two consecutive life sentences with no chance of Parole. I know I deserve death for what I have done, I know I do. But I’m damn glad I wasn’t sentenced death heh. And that’s why I am here."

The air is cold and bitter. It bites at Taco's face as...


That's as far as I got. I fixed a lot of the grammar and spelling mistakes. You shouldn't have characters suddenly change names with no explanation. I'd say "what kind of name is Taco?" but I used to know a guy called Nacho. It was short for Ignacio.

Keep writing. Keep practicing. Keep improving. Your story wasn't hopelessly terrible.
W!!
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