Why I am not part of the My Little Pony herd yet

Postby Mitsukara » Fri Nov 25, 2011 2:41 pm

As I mentioned in the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic thread, I have not seen the show yet, and I'm not going to for a while even though I'm interested. Here is why.

I am already very busy with things like work/money issues, health problems, transition plans stalling (at least I am still on hormones, so that much is good), and some other stuff, and free time and energy are precious commodities to me. I am trying very hard to start making more of my own art, and it is difficult for me to get going, not because of a lack of ideas, but because I fall asleep or cough up green stuff or then it's time to work at my fast food job again or somesuch.

I am a slow, sickly, busy, tired little sewn-together zombie turtle, trying to stay breathing, trying not to cough up my own guts and choke on them, and trying to get somewhere at all, forget doing so in a hurry. And trying to make sure my arms and legs don't fall off.

Now, you are probably saying to yourself, "Ah ha! She needs something (just like this amazing thing we're all crazy about) to cheer her up!"- but that is where you are making a bit of an error. You see, I already HAVE some things that I enjoy doing that cheer me up. For one thing I am watching Sailor Moon through for the first time ever. I am 10-15 years behind most people on that, but it is a very, very good show.

In short, I am not looking for things to fill my time, because my time is already full, and it is always getting away from me. I'm struggling to do what I already have and want to do with my time (and honestly I have been desperately trying to withdraw from some things just to make some headway on that- you might notice that I am posting here right now at all, and that is because room got cleared on the priority list to give it the small amount of time it takes).

I do not have a desperate lack of something to make me happy, either. Besides even for Sailor Moon (which is the only major show-watching endeavor I'm working on right now at all), it makes me happy any time I get myself to draw, or write something, or do any of these little things I just need more time to myself to get up and do.

I don't need or want and it won't benefit me to throw myself into something else new right now... it would just soak up all my time and energy from other things, and ultimately be a misuse of my time, and make me feel worse.

That is not to say I have no intention of watching My Little Pony, however. I do. It is on my to-do list, below:

- Pay the rent/health insurance/medical costs/electricity/cable bills
- Find a way to breathe when I sleep (seeing an otolaryngologist)
- Stop having so many sinus infections with the hacking up green shot and blocked nostrils and such (see above)
- Figure out how I'm ever going to pay for SRS, hopefully while I'm still in my 20s (which is sounding less and less likely)
- Draw, draw, draw
- Write, write, write
- Make some kind of real progress on ever starting my own webcomic instead of just making endless sketchy notes and locking them away
- Exercise more
- Maybe work on some of those fan projects I keep thinking about in the back of my head, in addition to my
own art (they could be satisfying and good practice)
- Get myself into a healthy enough condition with enough energy that I at least could go out and seek better employment instead of squeeking by on the same crappy fast food job for another 4 years, if that seems like a good idea at the time
- Keep and finish watching Sailor Moon because it is so awesome
- Obtain and read the Sailor Moon and Codename: Sailor V manga
- Play Sailor Moon: Another Story for SNES after finishing S season (and ideally some of the manga too, like the Dark Kingdom part)
- Finish rewatching Andromeda Season 1 (which I love) for the first time in years
- Finish rewatching Tremors the Series and Tremors 4 (which I love for some odd reason) for the first time in years
- Finish reading Mahoromatic for the first time
*x Watch Wall-E because I'd never seen it before (did this last night, liked it a lot)
- Rewatch Short Circuit 1 and 2 for the first time since I was like 11
- Finish reading The Ishtar Crisis through (I feel bad for having read so little, but I am very very slow, so this one is unfortunately a pretty big timesink for me)
- Keep up on Jennifer's works (I will probably put her kamishibai story cart of fanfiction before the ponies)
x Reread Unicorn Jelly (just did this)
- Watch Neon Genesis Evangelion (Finally!)
- Watch Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha (I really want to!)
* Finish Back to the Future: The Game (having taken so long to do so I'm now planning to do it as part of my secular x-mas)
* Finish replaying the Commander Keen series I haven't played in so many years, and play the Keen 7, 8, and 9 amazing awesome complete fanhacks which are very well done from the parts I've played through properly (Keen is also part of my x-mas plans this year)
* Post on the UJ forums from time to time
- Organize my room better
* Watch the last episode of Stargate Universe, since I already saw the rest (this show was way lower on my priority list but it got better right as it got to the cancelled end)
- Replay some fantastic games I know I love and want to that would cheer me up, like Castlevania: Symphony of the Night/Aria of Sorrow/Rondo of Blood, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past/Link's Awakening, Final Fantasy V, Dragon Quest VIII/III SNES/IV DS...
- Play some fantastic games I never have/never finished that I know I want to, like Final Fantasy VI, Chrono Trigger, finishing Ballos in Cave Story...
- Clean the bathroom so it's not so gross in there
- Try The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass since I have a copy sitting right there after all
- Play Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia through, finish Circle of the Moon
- Reread Pastel Defender Heliotrope to get it fresher in my mind
- Watch the Futurama movies (only seen the original run of the show)
- Learn to sew
- Watch My Little Pony: Friendship is magic (potentially massive timesink, interest low)
- Learn about tabletop roleplaying systems (insanely massive timesink, interest moderate)
- Read Homestuck (massive timesink, interest low-moderate)
- Start over/finish reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and the rest of the series, and watch the movie adaptations (hugely massive timesink)
- Watch the post-movie seasons of Futurama (large timesink, somewhat interested but need to see movies first)
- Watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail (I have never seen it uncensored through), The Life of Brian (which I have only seen once, 10 years ago)
- Watch The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly and A Fistful of Dollars (I have never seen either through)
- Watch The Simpsons (barely seen any of it ever, insanely massive timesink, moderate interest)

* - these items may get an exception/bumped up on the getting-done-for-real versus placement on the list/how much I want to do it overall, because they aren't very time-consuming at all or very hard to do, and if I am in the mood for them specifically that helps too. Basically, i allow a small amount of deviation from my overall prioties if a thing is small and easy for me (MLP and Homestuck and RPG books are not).

Still, for the purposes of getting any of this done ever, this is my priority tree, at least speaking from memory. This is what matters to me.

Oh... but then there's the small matter of squeezing in emotional relationships and talking to people who are close to me. While there are good reasons to try to do that, the problem is that it can also be damned draining and the most massive timesink of all.

I have been withdrawing from that a lot lately, and frankly, though it probably hurts to point it out, the results have been me rereading Unicorn Jelly like I meant to the past two years, me posting here at all, some new pixel art, more writing done in the past two weeks than the past two MONTHS, some fun time playing Commander Keen, me seeing Wall-E, and a slightly improved emotional state (even in spite of a nasty sinus infection that involved some vomiting). I am also feeling a bit of an extra surge to try to draw for real on my bamboo tablet, something that I've been kinda imploded about wanting to do for a long time now.

The idea of playing an MMO is like a cruel, twisted joke to me, a descent into utter insanity. The entire list would disappear and I would soon be too homeless to play the MMO anymore. No thank you.

Essentially, regarding My Little Pony, I feel sort of the opposite of Jennifer except still depressed for some fairly related reasons. That is to say, stealing my soul right now would just make me drop everything else that I already care about and am struggling to do. I do not want more distractions. I need my soul, give it back!

But that said, I am so getting around to this show one of these days/years/decades. It sounds pretty cool. And I know I am interested in Jennifer's works, so I will very probably read the fanfiction first sometime.

Sorry for being kind of a bummer, though...

..night night... (-.-)

TL;DR: the whole concept of TL;DRing this is self-defeating and ironically indicative of the overarching problem. Like cry while laughing maniacally at the concept kinda ironic.
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Re: Why I am not part of the My Little Pony herd yet

Postby Jennifer Diane Reitz » Fri Nov 25, 2011 6:04 pm

You are wise, Mittens; it is always painful to adore something that is impossible. MLP:FIM is exactly the kind of thing that looks so much better than life that it makes of life a poor misery; Pining hopelessly with unrequited love for a fictional universe is a sloppy, wallowing kind of sappiness. It's worse than pathetic, it's Ghost Dancing.

I'm Ghost Dancing, because I can, ultimately. It's a guilty pleasure.

You've got stuff that needs doing. You need to do it.

You go, girl.
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Re: Why I am not part of the My Little Pony herd yet

Postby Shivers » Fri Nov 25, 2011 8:49 pm

Native American Ghost Dancing?

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Re: Why I am not part of the My Little Pony herd yet

Postby Mitsukara » Fri Nov 25, 2011 9:37 pm

Eep I am a grumpy rambler. Sorry! :oops:

Thank you for your encouragement, though. I see nothing wrong with enjoying a happy fantasy... it's just, right now I should be fixing my real world life more. I've made a lot of progress- hormone therapy! Legal name change! Legal sex change on my washington state ID (did you know that was possible? They have a form for it- all you have to do is ask, and prove your new legal name! The lady at the DMV didn't know much about the process at first but was very helpful getting it amended).

These are real things I have done. And I have a job, not a very cool one, not making much money either, but a job nevertheless, and I support myself somewhat, and I have a good little home. I'm really doing pretty darn okay when I look at it.

But there is a lot more I could be doing, should be doing, with my life. I intend to do the best I can to improve and grow and be healthy and strong one day.

And, when I am ready to relax and have done all these other silly things for fun that I made a big silly list of, I'm sure I'll get around to watching My Little Pony, and I think it will be fun.

Until then, I shall work to do better!

After I'm done sleeping
(-.-)
Hello! ^^
AKA: Mittens (also Milly) ~My deviantart page~ Regularly updating lately! Yay!

"You know, I’m really glad I don’t use my butt for anything except sex." ~ Amaranth the field nymph, Tales of MU
^ I wish this is how butts worked. Alas.
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Re: Why I am not part of the My Little Pony herd yet

Postby Shivers » Mon Dec 05, 2011 7:29 pm

I dont really know that much about them etc. I heard them hipsters like them hella alot however, u know, those guys who wear them funny clothes those sweaters and scarves and wierd hats and tight jeans and chug pbr beer etc.
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Re: Why I am not part of the My Little Pony herd yet

Postby Jennifer Diane Reitz » Fri Dec 09, 2011 4:54 am

Shivers wrote:Native American Ghost Dancing?

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I call anything I do to turn away from reality 'Ghost Dancing'. Ghost Dancing, for me, is the ultimate act of despair. Some of the original Ghost Dancers believed that if they only danced hard enough, and believed hard enough, that magic would make the continent roll up like a blanket, sweeping all the white people away. Under the blanket of soil, all the dead people would come back to life, and their world would be as it was before the Europeans came.

Audacious fantasy, you have to admit.

Right now, doing my fanfiction under the name Chatoyance at FimFiction.net, I am doing some of the best work I have ever done in my life in terms of storytelling, and that includes my comics. But, that said, the reason I am doing it is because in my own, personal Ideal of Equestria, I have found something Better Than Life. That is what I mean when I say that the 'Ponies Have Stolen My Soul.'

It's Ghost Dancing. I may not be fantasizing that the continent will roll up and wipe away all trace of [insert oppressor here], but I certainly am spending my time fantasizing about the Conversion Bureau Universe.

That's what I mean.
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Re: Why I am not part of the My Little Pony herd yet

Postby draque » Fri Dec 09, 2011 2:37 pm

Jenny, I read through a couple of the stories you posted. Really well written, but... ahh... is that really your view of humanity right now? The air of hopelessness you seem to inject into them is palpable, and it seems to kind of hinge on the theme of human beings are utterly and irredeemably evil in every possible way. I dunno, maybe I'm overthinking it or just don't have the right insight into the whole pony thing, but for an escape from reality, it kind of seems like the stories focus narrowly on the most negative aspects of it. Stuff can be good in the real world, too (which isn't to say I don't indulge in fantastic fantasies as well obviously...).
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