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Looping

PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 12:40 pm
by Anna
Hi
I’ve made a long journey, and I’m alive.

I woke up. There was a shaking at my legs.
My eyes were closed, I think.
They talked to me:“How should we call you?” “What kind of medic drugs you took?”
Answer: “Beta blocker, sleeping pills, I don’t know what else.”
Then I was gone again.
The woke me up, a telephone call, my brother, a short talk, he wanted some pin’s, he’d get them.
Sleeping, night. The watch at the wall, I didn’t had my glasses, but I could see the time, sometimes
At 6.00 am I was awake, and my memory worked from now on.
It was the morning of December the 3rd 2013.

I tried to make suicide, and it nearly worked. Unkown drugs, they had trouble to find the right antidote. My breathing was often interrupted, well, this was a “promise” by the kind of sleeping pills I’d took.
Should I tell you why I did it?
It was reaction, an affect, I had always some stuff here at home, for some situations, something like this.
A mistake, a CD, was it the sleeve design, no, was it the music compilation I made and burned it on the master CD, no.
A software, there you can create to read on the player what title the track has, who’s singing…
This part of the job didn’t work, it didn’t matter if I had tested it, but it didn’t work.
A mistake, and a brother who is in rage, mailing, shouting at the telephone, I should come to the company to excuse me, he was in rage, extremely rage.
There was no way out. No escape from here. If he will come home, hell is following him.
I know my brother, I know him very good.

I was surprised when the hand full of pills where vanished in mouth and into my stomach.
Should I stop it, run to the toilet, no, I’d wanted to end what I started.

It was a loop, leaving ground, have a flight, and felt back to the place where I started.

No change, the same world. No solved problems.

The CD mistake was the fire lighter not the reason.

It needed 7 months waiting to get to a Tagesklinik, a hospital, psychiatrically therapy, 8 hours a day.
Group psychotherapy, Ergotherapie (Occupational therapy).
For 8 weeks.

It's over, for now.

A re-run is possible.

That's for today.

Re: Looping

PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 8:06 pm
by Coda
It's good to hear from you, and I'm glad that you escaped that incident.

Re: Looping

PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 4:34 pm
by eris
Oh Anna! I'm so sorry to hear this.

Hugs to you!

Re: Looping

PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2015 12:00 am
by Koniec12
Greeting and wish U all the best. Interesting story.