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Chapter 10 - Roller Coaster

PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 6:51 pm
by Jennifer Diane Reitz
An interesting fact: the chapter titles for Ishtar Crisis are all taken from classic Yo-Yo tricks. Yup, every single chapter title.

"And if the poet gratifies the sense by means of the ear, the painter does so by the eye—the worthier sense; but I will say no more of this but that, if a good painter represents the fury of a battle, and if a poet describes one, and they are both together put before the public, you will see where most of the spectators will stop, to which they will pay most attention, on which they will bestow most praise, and which will satisfy them best. Undoubtedly painting being by a long way the more intelligible and beautiful, will please most." -Leonardo da Vinci


I feel sad that Sandi's book gets so little forum attention. I thought we were readers here. Yet, Leonardo is pretty clear on the subject, and I have not found him wrong with regard to this matter. Images are instant gratification, whilst words take effort and time.

Thank you to the few actually reading Ishtar. I am glad of you few.

Re: Chapter 10 - Roller Coaster

PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 6:58 pm
by Tychomonger
I'm reading it and enjoying it quite a lot. I just don't have much to say about it for some reason.

Someone should rate and review it over at its Pages Unbound page.

I might also suggest putting out a couple Project Wonderful ads on the Tales of MU website when they get real cheap after the week turns over. That is a dedicated fanbase of people who eagerly await their next installment of literary crack every weeknight, and many of them were brought in with an enigmatic text only (well, an image of text, the PW automatic text ads look crappy) Project Wonderful ad.

So yeah, if you're willing to throw a rather small amount of money at it (less than $5 per day right now, you only pay for time you are actually displayed as the high bidder for the ad as well), you could definitely gain some more eyes on the project.

Re: Chapter 10 - Roller Coaster

PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 3:36 am
by Kaigen
I wouldn't be surprised if by the end of this trip Mallory develops a strong inclination to not go out into hazardous environments in powersuits. @,@

I'm continually surprised at how hands-on he's being though. As the resident career politician I was expecting him to take more of a rear commander position once they reached Venus. Then again, that might explain why this is the second time he's been in a dangerous emergency in less than a week, though perhaps I'm not giving him enough credit.

That's cool about the chapter titles. It reminds me of when I was watching Last Exile and realized that almost all the episode titles were references to chess, and that those references had meaning in the context of the episode. I'm considerably more familiar with chess terms and what they refer to than yo-yo tricks, though, which is probably why I hadn't realized until you pointed it out. Time to go to wikipedia...

Re: Chapter 10 - Roller Coaster

PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 6:46 pm
by Alfador
Tychomonger wrote:I'm reading it and enjoying it quite a lot. I just don't have much to say about it for some reason.


Ditto. :frown:

Re: Chapter 10 - Roller Coaster

PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 7:10 pm
by InterNutter
Sorry about my lack of attention. I was... purposely staying quiet.

The last few chapters [prior to the quasi-political intrigue and the bomb] were... um... how can I put this politely?

"Blatant self-inserts hijacking the story" is the neatest, if cruelest, summary. "Too early an interlude" seems wishy-washy. I can't phrase it neatly, for all my love of words.

Having dredged through the worst of Fanfiction.net, I can honestly say that this is not the worst self-insert I've ever seen. I have parody puppet shows dedicated to the absolute worst Mary Sues out there. Thankfully, you aren't among them. Breathe a temporary sigh of relief, there... *BUT*...

Having a friendly island of peace, fun, and voluntary nudity amidst dystopian chaos? I found it... slightly jarring. Were they ignoring what was going on, or just struggling with their own troubles? Seeking comfort inside in the world of their own while Earth goes nuts below? It didn't come across for me. It seemed... indulgent wish-granting. Get your family out from under the dystopian people in charge, and give them a means of staying there... as well as someone powerful yet moralistic on their side.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the writing... but I was waiting for the story to come back. Your future-ideal family could have been cut entirely, or replaced with a more realistic set of friends and little, I think, would have changed.

Now the story's back on track, I'm waiting again. A flaw of mine. I want to see if the damage to the base was deliberate [in order to stop some Native Nasty, secret getting out, paid sabotage or whatever the heck] or just the result of half-arsed incompetence. Likewise, seeing how the 'band of pirates' gets along inside what is essentially a tin can for howeverlongittakes. I predict the woman who piled the cargo bay with extra stuff is going to be the obligatory bitch.

You have two good characters in Tala and Mallory, and some potentially good ones sliding in via the periphery. Don't forget to flesh out the rest. Good Science fiction isn't just about the technology and the worlds, it's also about the people and the way they live. The various little dramas and drama llamas that happen no matter where people are.

Remember - just because you have a magic wand... doesn't mean it will solve *all* problems. What if Tala's peanut-butter nanites get into the coolant system? What would that do to the system/crew? What if someone's bio-goo goes feral? Would it be possible to have rogue nanites/bio-greeblies running loose on the surface? What if they bred?

That's the sort of thing I let rip... and it usually hijacks a story. That's why I usually stay quiet about stories in progress. I don't want Ishtar Crisis to die, so... I choose to stay quiet.

See? I love it enough to not nitpick :D Generally. This has just been a sample of me asking awkward questions [and possibly being a dill] that could plausibly happen Every Single Chapter. If you *want* this sort of thing to happen, I'll gladly pontificate [and *try* to stay positive] to my heart's content.

Heck, I'll even slap a #_@ on it for you :D

Re: Chapter 10 - Roller Coaster

PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 1:55 am
by Anna
Jennifer Diane Reitz wrote:I feel sad that Sandi's book gets so little forum attention. I thought we were readers here.

Don't blame me, ahm, ok - blame me...
Reading looong english text chapters is a hard work for me.
Maybe as much as it is for you reading looong english text's by me in this forum.
Allright, I've got a good (tricky) excuse, but what about the others, native english speaking guys here?